Month of August The month of High and Low

It's almost a month. It has been a weird month for me. My mood has been going downwards. I am easy stressed up by the smallest things and my mood is affected easily. Mostly depressed mood. I have promised myself that this blog will record all the happy things in my life and I shall do that as far as I can.

The month of Aug. The happiest thing as far as I have done for this month is that I have celebrated my best friend, Weiliang's birthday. It was a simple dinner at the River View hotel with just the few of us (Mikey, Alvin, Jamie and me). It is always good to see them again and to be able to laugh together and crack the mindless jokes. Enjoyable. Funny. Relaxing. As usual, we will go for pool after that. The next day, we met up again and went for massage and fish spa. It was my first time getting a massage. I was nevous at first. I am glad I went for it because I like it eventually. Fish spa was really fun. The guys find it ticklish but I find it quite comfortable.

For the rest of the week in Aug, my mood went down drastically. One reason was probably DD was stressed up with his work and I don't want to give him additional stress. But it was hard for me cause by doing that, I felt that I have not been able to communicate to him properly as I have been giving in and listening to him all the time (one way communication). Gradually, I will tend to feel left out and not being able to get someone to understand. To make things even worst, on weekdays, I can't find anyone at work to talk to and back at home I have been listening to my mum's complaints and parent's problems. Feels like I can't convey any of my thoughts and feelings to anyone or to anything. All the negetive feelings gets bloated up inside me. Feels lonely, no one understands.

Lucky for me, I have my friends. Liwen, a gal who has been always able to provide a listening ear and my msn buddy, Friday to provide a listening "eyes" to read my complaints. And of course, my DD understands me when we spoke yesterday. I am happy and glad that for the past weeks, he has been accompanying me to the doc. despite his busy work. And he has also agreed to spend the long weekend in Sept with me at Bintan (something to look forward to).

I realised also that I need to find my passion and motivation again!!! Something for me to work towards to. Something that I feel strongly for and have to do it no matter what. I must take on this path to find my passion again, my confidence again. Else I will eventually let the "dark" emotions run over me.

Life still goes on no matter how low or how high I am. The sun still shines, the rain still falls. Today's sky is blue, with clouds like cotton and a occassional breeze. I am listening to my Jazz music now. Feeling more relax. A good way to enjoy my Saturday afternoon.