Emotional Breakdown

It's 2am on a Monday morning. I had another emotional breakdown today. Parents problems. Dad has been returning home late at night and out in the middle of the night these few days. Mum is not happy about it and was angry. She cried in front of me. This is the 2nd time this year I saw her cried and made me really sad.

My parents have been having problems since 20 years ago. I have seen their problems grew bigger over the 20 years. Initially, being a young child, I was ignorant. Then when I get older, my mum complains to me every time when she is unhappy. I felt her pain, her sadness and her helplessness in this marriage. When I started working, I begin to desire for a happy family. Yet, I can't see it in mine. I begin to doubt if I ever will have a happy family. I begin to look at the problems in my family and took it upon myself. Whenever mum complains to me, I take it seriously and felt her helplessness. This adds stress on me and is also part of the reason why I had depression and emotional breakdown last year.

Today, when I saw my mum cried again, this was the last straw. I called up my Dad on his mobile phone and got both of them to talk to each other in front of me. My mum was angry, accusing him of making her unhappy all 20 yrs. My dad as usual, kept quiet and refuse to answer my mum (which makes her angrier). Finally, I cannot take it and broke down. Told them about my depression and told them how I felt these 20 yrs and how their marriage is affecting my vision of a marriage in the future and contribute to my depression.

The strong emotion come over me and I just cried in front of them. Told them that they may just drive me into mental breakdown and into IMH. They finally gave in. My dad apologised and my mum said she will forget the past. But I know that this is only a small step for them to give me. I am worried that my mum will stop telling me her feelings cause I told them that my breakdown is partly due to them. I don't want her to stop telling me things. In fact, I want to know what the both of them is thinking so that I can help them. I hope after today, my dad can listen to me more and my mum can give in to my Dad more.

Positive thing. I know my Dad dotes me a lot and he will listen to me more from now on. My mum starts to open up to me even more and I hope I can help her to remove her negative attitude towards my Dad. My mum told me about her illness and I am worried for her. Positive thing, I will try to source for another experience doc for her so that she won't need to go the Polyclinics where the doc. are young and inexperience.

It's a small step but at least I am trying my best. Even though my parents said I should not worried about their problems. The fact is that they are my parents no matter what and I have the responsibility to take care of them and their problems as much as I can. Don't forget as long as I have my DD to support me, I am sure I can overcome this no matter what. I can do this!! I am sure about that!!